A remarkable fact about the modern world is that there are many ways to pursue success. But, unfortunately, there’s an insidious truth about everyday life: There are also many ways to mistake distraction for pursuit; the confusion of the two – usually interchanged without our realizing it– occurs when we fail to identify the mechanisms involved in the quest correctly. As a result, it is often deceptively difficult (woefully often!) to recognize whether we are progressing toward attaining our goals or just procrastinating. Still, there are questions we can ask ourselves which may help us figure that out. Why do millennials think too much? Here are four questions that I have found helpful for achieving goals.
Am I writing down lots of ‘plans’?
At the top of your list of aspirations should be, “Quit making so many lists!” Penning a long list of ambitious goals is an exercise in irony. While you’re writing your list, you are avoiding doing anything on that list. I could sit here and make a list about getting better at playing basketball:
- 1) Improve vertical jump
- 2) Be a better sport
- 3) Improve my three-point shot
But it wouldn’t surprise you to hear that LeBron James doesn’t improve his basketball skills by writing out his goals. He goes to the court with ball-in-hand and an attitude of discipline. And he stays on the court for as long as it takes. There is no replacement for action; theory divorced from action is useless. Lists often demoralize us more than they galvanize action, and sometimes we fail to attempt anything on the list. Think of the statistics on how few people accomplish their New Year’s resolutions.
While list-making may feel good, we often spread ourselves too thin, listing too many objectives and usually inventing an unreasonable timetable. Still, boy, it felt good being so ambitious (on paper!). It’s better to take one goal (not a list of 100) and devote ourselves to action-based behaviors (not written intentions) to pursue that goal. It’s going to feel hard, and it’s going to suck way more than writing a list. Our work is not always supposed to feel amazing; we should not expect to feel amazing constantly.
Who do I think I am?
I’m not trying to be mean (not to myself and not to anybody else who might take on this serious question), but we could all stand to ask ourselves this occasionally. The question’s value lies in its reality-grounding effect. “Who do I think I am?” Well, I never abolished slavery (that would be to confuse my life with Abraham Lincoln’s). I also didn’t invent Amazon. This reminder of who I am not (at least yet!) allows us – you and me– to accept a simple truth: We do not deserve constant praise, constant awe, or constant entertainment because we aren’t constantly involved in praiseworthy, extraordinary, or thrilling acts.
Most of us are not Abraham Lincoln or Jeff Bezos, so we shouldn’t feel above feeling (or being) underwhelming or underwhelmed at times. We millennials should resist viewing the un-glamorous as something that we must or can eradicate from life. So much of any goal is simply doing the work. And, usually, what needs to be done (in small or large part), is a slog of an affair.
How afraid of routine am I?
Routine isn’t the enemy, but it won’t usually feel enthralling. Those who have dream careers that are constantly enthralling are figments of our imaginations! And, although many indeed have exciting jobs, it is improbable that the road to where they are now was one of constant thrill. This prevalent delusion that life must be constantly fascinating is not entirely our fault. If our American culture were a drug, it would be heroin.
We continuously seek intense stimulation. Our dopamine systems are run ragged by TikTok, 87 TV streaming services, and a society that, implicitly or overtly, taught us that we should never have to feel anything but scintillation. But I would bet my life that the “Great Idea” part of having a great idea is dwarfed by all the grinding and determined hours (or months or more!) spent staring at a blank page or an eggshell-white wall, while tolerating the distress of without-a-great-idea-ness; spent feeling plenty humdrum. If we are never willing to be anything but ecstatic, we won’t possess the equability required to tolerate the long hours of routinized work.
How exhausted am I?
Pursuit is about struggle; it’s exhausting. There isn’t any way around it. Lions are exhausted, as are ants, as are humans. Why do millennials try to avoid exhaustion? Instead, one must devote time to contemplating what feels worth being exhausted by. Lions want food. As sapient creatures, we are fortunate enough to have a more extensive list of aspirations to choose from. But the trail to attaining worthwhile goals is lined with thorns; the truly fulfilling ones are. If you are not scratched up or not feeling bloodied, that’s probably a sign you have been merely simulating the pursuit of a goal and not going through any brutally exhausting, thorned process.
Today, people love the idea of the hack. “Hacking romance,” “hacking getting in shape,” or “hacking becoming a doctor.” In reality, we can’t de-fang or hack the human experience. One cannot hack being a better student or mechanic; one can only work on it. And work is challenging. How bruised is your ego? Have you failed recently? (In Buddhism, they say that the master is the one who has failed more than the student has tried). Armed with our honest answers to these questions, we are in a better position to gauge how much work we have done to pursue our goals.
