There are happy people, and then there are very happy people, but is there such a thing as too much happy? Yes, and many people want “toxic positivity” to stop. This mindset includes always being happy and never admitting when things go awry. The last year has been hard: But we’ve seen some classic toxic positivity examples, such as always throwing around “Look on the bright side” or “It’ll get better!” In most cases, it’s very forced positivity, and it’s getting toxic. Everything won’t always be OK.
Where did toxic positivity come from?
Popular media is likely to blame for the surfacing of omnipresent happiness. Between self-help books and the age of the internet, positivity has been pushed as the best way to feel better. And there’s been significant research that it does help. For example, Medical News Today cited a 2018 study that explored the effects of positive thinking in 131 college students; the study found that high self-esteem increased positivity and social support, ultimately increasing suicide resilience. But everything has a limit.
Toxic positivity examples
If you spend every day thinking everything is perfect, you don’t have space to cope with reality. You’re merely squashing down feelings that need to be dealt with and sugar-coating them with “good vibes only.” For some people, positivity is a good way to deal with hard times, and it can be helpful in small doses. It’s not to say that positive affirmations aren’t a great way to deal with life; it just can’t be the only way. Someone who’s toxic tends to think that being positive is the only way to face or deal with an issue when negative emotions are natural and necessary.
Toxic positivity takes shape in many forms. Some of the most common ones are brushing off all negative feelings, guilting yourself for feeling negative or sad, avoiding any uncomfortable emotions, or only focusing on the positive at all costs. For example, if you find yourself constantly saying that “everything is perfect!” you might be positively toxic.
How does it affect others?
While toxic positivity may affect you personally, you aren’t the only one that has to deal with it. This mindset also makes your friends, family or co-workers who express emotions feel invalidated. And it can often close you off from those who want help. Toxic positivity creates a wall between those really feeling something and someone who ignores everything negative. It’s a form of gaslighting, or making others’ feelings out to be “not that bad.”
All the positive affirmations may seem harmless, but think about how they come off to others. Someone suffering a loss doesn’t need to hear that “it could be worse.” And someone feeling depressed doesn’t need to hear “Cheer up!” It isn’t as helpful as it may seem. Toxic positivity is usually done with pure intentions, hoping to make someone feel better. Sometimes, though, it’ll make matters worse.
How can you really help?
If you’re trying to help someone through a tough spot, there are better ways to go about it. Instead of “Be positive!” try “Do you want to talk about it?” Instead of giving advice, sit there and listen. Think about how you feel: If you’re stressed, do you always want advice, or do you just need to rant? Mental health is important—not just for you but for the people around you. It’s amazing just how far a little compassion can go.
